how do i stay, or leave?

Awake? dun ask me. I always am. Even in sleep. my dreams are always awake with you.. my darling angel. i hope you call.
.
i called again. do you feel mad or bad or sad like me? hear the ashes of torment from your heart. helpless like mine.
.
your voice melted me. before calling i was full of stoic composure. after hearing your voice all words desert my mouth, like a fool newly in love with palpitating heartbeat.

your voice melted me.. from stark raving madman going out of control, to a sedated prisoner of imploding sadness chained and locked in a padded room.

how do i stay.. if you deny me my necessities of you? And how do i leave, when locked away from you, i can't say my goodbyes?