i am equally miserable

dawn in layers

i have to write now, halfway through dawn and the singing roomie. half-way through exams and 4 hours from the morning alarm, the price for a prime studying spot, though the quality of studying can barely match the table's premium.

tonight.

an unfamiliar departure with heavy hearts. so helpless we are sometimes, fragile.

i like to think that i think about life a great deal. but in the midst of thinking i let life slip. i do the thoughts but failed to live the life. in another phase of the now familiar cycle, i seemed to have drifted once more. soon i will rein myself in and continue, in what, i'm not so sure.

I searched deep within and came up empty; will it be a cause of regret in years to come, i do not know. can i still look into your eyes and say i've tried?

in my pursue of nothingness, i have let go much, perhaps unwittingly, sometimes in tandem. too many things in life are transitory. i wish they hang around longer, to ease the nostalgia and the sentimental in me. when we look back with fondness, too late, is often the word. to the friends and deeds that i have neglected, i am sorry.

I do not like to stick a time and date to my mind. Time is what have already passed, not the future that we look to. date and time are fictitious, transitory. in the process of remembering and adhering fastidiously to date and time, have we overshadowed the reason behind said time? Have we missed the moment?

now that i have stated a reason, let's have the occasion. a sincere thank you to those who cared and remembered and those who will remember. and deepest apologies for those whom i have forgotten.

today, my phone also dropped dead. now i hear the voices but not read the words.

is there a point to these words, other than to satisfy my whimsical mood?

don't ask me. he do not know.

from dust to dust

if dust can be used as fuel, my room will be a nuclear powerhouse

Eleemosynary

How to withdraw money from the Automated Teller Machine (ATM)

0. Wait an eternity for idiots who do not know how to use the atm
1. Insert ATM card, card facing up.
2. Enter PIN
3. Select quick withdrawal option of $50. Don't bother to go for $20 since you KNOW that you'll have to repeat the withdrawal procedure 3 days later.
4. Collect and keep your ATM card
5. Collect and keep your $50.

Unfortunately, last week I missed out step 5.


Again.


At least idiots keep their money.


I dunno what that makes me.


I think i've already done more than my fair share for charity this year.


chee bye

wasted

today is a fucked up day.

From Sook Ching to Bliss

A bloody massacre
Once took place
Here where couples tread
In peace and bliss
Of Punggol Beach

Re-cap

I hate this computer game programming shit. the whole cohort is full of friggin scary no-life geeky nerds. just like the entire IT industry. fuck. i'm fucked.

2nd Nov - today I ran 8km. I saw a snake peeping at me, its head sticking out of the drain grates. I crossed an acquaintance twice. She seemed shocked at seeing me the 2nd time down the same road. I ran past a stranger 3 times. she is on the heavy side but full of determination.

1st Nov - yesterday afternoon i dreamt of myself breathing. I was breathing differently. I exhaled when the next sequence shd be to inhale, and inhaled when I shd exhale. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, for real. I woke up.

31st Oct - That night I ran from NTU to Chinese Garden and back. I wanted to step into the garden (with the huge lake) for the first time in my life, but it was pitch black and eerie at 1.30am. I ran for 1hr 20min, because i sort of lost my way while running back.

30th Oct - Monday. Groundbreaking ceremony briefing at Orchard Turn. They spent $100 for two guys to pull the curtains. Two under-grads were dumb and cheap enough to take the job. One of them was me. Tuesday, actual ceremony. They brilliantly stapled the curtain to the floor to make it taunt. Upon cue, I pulled open the curtains but they got stuck to the floor like how i exactly feared, infront of an MP and the media. Dumb and cheap undergrad looks like a fool as well.