today quietly crept into the 6th of May, 2008. in a sense, it's strange to see this day arrive. it's not any fancy occasion, just that it's been a while since whatever, and i do find the need to think back and journal down certain memories before everything gets left in this backwater.

after which, i'm gonna say something funnie and end it with a laugh.
tee hee

it remained a good idea till i remembered that i'm not exactly feeling well now. kinda nauseous and groggy from this sinus infection/dust allergy that i picked up while attempting to clear up my room which also resulted in a 2 days MC.

but time flows on nonetheless.

and further up that same river last year, i accidentally graduated from NTU after 3 years with a Bachelor of Engineering majoring in Computer Science with Honours, 2nd Class Lower. One of the first thing i decided was that I don't wanna do this computer shit any more. neither do i wanna work, so i bummed around for a great long while, for about half a year.

much of that period in 2007 was spent rolling about in mud which was formerly good fertile earth till i peed upon it myself and it wouldn't dry.

thankfully though, i have good friends who stood by me in times of need. some reminded me how to live

even as my body got more streamlined. while the rain was unforgiving in october. The merry men of PE3 in a farewell photoshoot. I became Alex's photographer/sales manager/publicist for a few of his gigs. we sold enough CDs to have dinner at a hawker centre. And Jermaine is beautiful.

countless hours were spent with yanqing and shirly mulling about. I miss school so much I went back to study with them sometimes.




then i took some commemorative photos of our film gang.





to be continued...

hee hee.

By the river, east of the world.

you know you've given it a good shot when mucus and sweat fights swipe for swipe to the the beat of your footsteps. i enjoyed looking at the shadows of my revolving legs as i glided unchallenged down the 3 lane road. fucking sexy i would think, sans the topless torso glimmering under voyeuring streetlights.

lovely lungs i've got. that's my hidden charm. hello ladies?

1 more month to another marathon. today i foraged to the outer realms of Punggol, slightly beyond sengkang east drive where the world ends, and back. took me only about 50 minutes. picked up two liters of soya bean milk on the way back.

i've got to pay my bills now. and sleep.

this is an attempt on a return to normalcy?

2929

29th of the 29th.

go have a ben & jerry strawberry cheesecake cone on me.
just for today.

cosy up with me

again you came to me as i dreamed away last night
i used to be in yours, i know. you said.
too shy to tell me the details.
i remember.
you don't think i do.
i didn't think i would.

we're both wrong.

for the past, for the abstract,
for the unspoken, for the unables.

is that why we dream?

won't forget.

just feel like putting up photos tonight.
HK in december was amiss, cold like lillies detached in sharp snips.


this is her first time. i waited long and hard.

i look different these days.
life isn't all that bad. just can't find the urge to write about it.

.

black as sea-battered rocks.


red like your daily peeps from far

.

make me cry
(guitar solo)

yellow ledbetter
all over my head
why not put me to sleep

you've lost my way

night brews a sudden storm
and misery loves a symphony

hmmm..

you are overworked, and not so bright?

i miss jellybeans.

this time

let me
freeze time
as i sit down
to write

without
the hissing
of wind
or you
by my side

let me
sit in
this snapshot
of life

black and white.

i have
faded;

much to write,
not time
on my side.
you are
cheerful and bright.

rumbles

you're the eczema of my heart

nigh

night embraces me
and i, her.
silent consummation,
fingertips

karma

the saddest photos ain't taken by me.

tonight, there's hatred. though not to you.

the words wouldn't come


i keep courting my own death
yet when on the brink, i refuse to die
and came back for more


enough is enough now
you've done too much hurt.
i would like to flee.

.


if u see me, don't.

silently now

this shouldn't be written.
but there are things that i dun wanna forget.
should you really need me one day,
i think, i'll still be here.


my dear dumdum,

i thought i'm fine and recovering. but talking to you brings back a torrent of memories. i felt the way i was feeling at my lowest point, i cried like i did all those months back. you haven't really left me at all. and that's why i can't talk to you. forgive me, forget me. you've made up your mind to leave, then just go and don't turn back. if you're truly and happily loving someone else, then you wouldn't have room nor need for me. you don't want to lose me completely, but i can't bear to lose you at all. i still find it so easy to say all the words that i couldn't say in the past: i love you and i miss you, and this pseudo life that i'm living now, is but a poor substitute for you.

hugs and silently now, goodbye.
your dumbass.


so shoo now,
my silent hugs
and your buried tears
the quiet kisses
you didn't know you had
under the blanket of your breaths
you lay awaiting
till sleep came
and took you away
still i leaned close
a whisper and a touch
too deep into your dreams
still whispering
when it's too late for words,
just silently now

i dowanna lose you completely

my eyes got swollen tonight.

wee

this deep slumber
reaches into the wee morning
and took what is left

mortgage my ass

as we turn our backs
in our shadows my hand holds
yours, till darkness is complete


i feel like crap sometimes.
like today and tomorrow.

another

february died and march was born.

can't remember how long it has been since we met. or talked. or whatever. what matters is that we are not, did not. time is probably secondary. don't want to leave a handle
in history to go back to.

yet another 29th passed quietly by. i'd be surprised if you felt differently. or did u managed to surprise yourself?

by untampered fate, i caught The Leap Years today. it's crap, but the date, which is the main protagonist here, and certain scenes are just, in a way.. too close for comfort, too personal to brush away the emotions that the movie attempts to evoke.

and i saw your name in the credits at the end. as i sat there swallowed by the red plushy seat, what else could it be but an incredibly elaborate joke played on me.

the 29th day of the second month, which would have been our first; dare i use the word 'our' here? and as it is, another four years before that day and month is here again in the game of time.

but by then, there could be no need for memories.

.

has life come to a standstill?


hello hello,
but i got to go

uncle

24th Feb 2008, sunday after soccer.

beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep.


uncle, my godfather since i was 28 days old, passed away. the only time i shed a tear at someone's death in my life. sad to see auntie crying for her beloved husband at the deathbed, but she was so strong again after that. i love them both.

f

i'm the living form of melancholy now, just like that, fuckingly.
put on my earphones and put on some music, they went in thru my head and couldn't find an exit. delete the spam and read some blogs, end up visiting at my own. heavy the tombstone, where are the eulogies, no, i read my pages of death sentences instead, in reverse chronological order, not that it matters.

so fuckin tired, the whole of the last 27 hours, just an arbitrary number, but somewhere near i'm sure. still i seemingly gain vitality in such melancholy. on and on, undying the music plays.

i want my eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. do you remember? i carried you while you slept, while you're supposed to be watching, while i rub your feet, it was cold.

delete you. i can't remember to forget.

and the discriminating lily. which bin was it in, do i dare wonder. fuck me. lilies. fuck me.

6pm

i slept again after i woke
you came again in my dreams
i spotted you from behind
in your flowery dress and shoes
i walked away to the mirror
you went pass me to the toilet
i hung around and waited
you certainly took a while
i was hoping for another glimpse
i was hoping you won't spot me
then my dream ended
we left without goodbye
still, i'm glad we met
just go and don't turn back.