taking check

the year so far, sucks.

sick for the whole of the week, flu, cough, sorethroat, the whole lot. terrible time handling the mother sometimes, burnt out from putting up with things. and more things. the whole house painting affair was taxing, even though painting only starts tomorrow. buying a sofa was like fighting an expensive war. more shit at work. potentially no pay increment for the year. months on, right wrist seems permanently damaged from the stupid accident, as are my ankle and knee even though i haven't been running. can i still run? losing my new slippers en route to cambodia. lost count of the number of times i fell asleep this week with the lights on and burning the whole night, searing through the tatters of my dreams. january has been a warzone, a state of emergency. every step that i took vulnerable to igniting a land mine and i inevitably set off quite a few, so much so that at times i didn't feel like moving, or talking. silence was my safety net.
.

far too much unhappiness in the whole of my life. they sneak up on you, deal you a blow and scamper off into crevices unseen. sometimes you dun even know what wrong you have done - there might not be any - it's just fate's way of telling you that you're no more than a flick of snort.

i'd like to, for once, be happy this year, or more precisely, the remaining of this year.

fuck fate and all that shit.