The real cow. Who is sad.

I haven't felt sad for quite some time.

Today I went through my Locked Closet. It's an apt day, cold, grey and rainy. Couldn't remember for a second where the door is, but still I found it. I briefly glanced through photos of memories, and frowned somewhat at shots that I thought exist, but couldn't be found. Saw the silver box too, with the book of memories within, the gaiety of red a poor disguise of tears once laid.

I remember, how swift, the change of tides.

Subdued feelings, but not that sad.. not very at least.

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I feel sad tonight.

It felt right, and for weeks I wondered if it's right and the season ripe. Thinking and feeling, feelin and thinkin, waiting for a chance to straighten my doubts. And right on the verge, the door slammed shut on me.

The sudden sadness, and then you know it. People sense tranquility before death. At that instance, it all appeared so clear all of a sudden. The one moment when you realise the answers to all your questions. She's the right one of course. Just that at that moment, I wish she's not.

How sad, that I know my feelings only when it's too late. Funnie, that she knows it before I do. It's supposed to be my feelings, damn it. Didn't know I'll feel sad till I really felt sad.

Most regretfully, when there's finally someone who fits, something screws up somewhere. The one girl who warms your heart flies away, the rest whom you know doesn't suit, stays around. I think i'm too nice, once again, yet I haven't even tried. It doesn't work out this way. I should stay a mean bastard.

What a chillingly sad x'mas card. Christmas have never been kind to me, that's why I've never like it much.

Another joke on me, thank you very much. The retarded 'ho ho ho'. I know what it means now. I'm the real cow.