here i am, boiling a kettle of water at 3am to cook noodles.
here i am, a creature of the night, soaking up the silence that feeds a part of me.
and my noodles, soaking up the water that too feeds me;
i have no doubt as to which is the nourishment, or drug, which i seemingly live on.
.
how many 3ams have you seen?
Chanced upon a documentary about the white house photographer Pete Souza while bumming at home today.. and it inspired me. he captured some great moments.
http://www.petesouza.com/index.html
i desperately hold my shit in as i think of the perfect album to play (or blast) as i savour the moment to come.
billy joel it is.
we're swapping torres for carroll and left with 10m for bak kwa.
this is historic.
m for million, in pounds. all 35 million of it.
i'm feeling really really sick.
the more you show, the lesser you are.
my deficiencies are glaringly highlighted each time i find works that i admire for hours on end. still not good enough. no where near in fact.
there will come a time when you find yourself opening up and awakening to another level. but not long after will you realise that you have in reality, and in the harshness of truth, barely progressed from where you originally stood.
i dreamt that i have a box filled with rolls of unused black and white film. i was excited.
i dreamt that there were a couple of fleas around me, and a tiny, toe size, rabbit next to me. in irritation from the fleas, i stamped on the rabbit and felt it's tiny skull under my shoe, before flicking it under the sofa with a sheepish smile.
some time ago, i dreamt that alex's brother, alvin, died in an accident and i was sad.
i dreamt of angel. a little surreal.
my life is dark and morbid.
played soccer today after months and months and it felt so good, despite being only 3 v 2, or playing with complete strangers, or the rain...
and despite the fact that i lao sai 3 times today, or that i've had the shits for almost 3 weeks now. 3 weeks!!! wtf...
Roy Hodgson's pre-match interview:
"...if we could knock Manchester United out of the Cup on their home ground. It would be a remarkable coup."
a remarkable coup indeed.
no fuckin pride.
i've been through numerous frustrating spells of various liverpool managers and have stood by them all. if nothing, they had at least spirit and confidence in the last beaten team they had put out.
For once and hopefully the last, Roy, good riddance.
~~~~~~~~~~
Update:
Hours after this entry: Roy Hodgson was replaced by Kenny Dalglish.
Rob Hughes' column in Sunday Times also quoted Roy's 'remarkable coup' comment, thereby confirming what i've suspected all along, that I Am Awesome.
hollow.
very hollow.
and i know this feeling only too well.
really need a change, in all aspects.
funnie how things all come together sometimes.
suddenly received three different wedding photographer requests tonight; from zhiyong's sis-in-law joanne, iris - for her AD, and an overseas (!!) invite for diana's cousin's wedding in Kuching, Sarawak.
the words made me blush... shall allow my ego to float around for tonight.
I accepted iris' but humbly and regretfully declined the other two, honored as i am. i still feel bad for turning down yewjin some time ago too, but wedding dinners isn't really my cup of tea and not something i'm confident about. better not.
this one made me feel pro.. ahahah. and make me look forward to getting retrenched so that i have an inexcusable reason to do photography full time. hmmmm.
i'm feeling a lil sick today and yesterday though. zzz
"one ayam penyet, take away. can you give me breast or thigh. thanks."
... short pause.
"you want drumstick? or wing?"
"no i want breast or thigh please."
his brows furrowed deeply.
"you want drumstick or wing?"
"no i want chicken breast or the thigh"
fed up, he...
"YOU WANT HAND".. slapped his arm.. "OR LEG??" .. slapped his huge ass.
unable to go on, i pointed to the nearest piece of chicken and said, "give me this"
he took a random piece of chicken and proceed to penyet it.
i miss writing.
words.
too long i've gone without putting them down.
this year, will i start again?
words
~~~~~
it's only words, and words are all i have,
to take your heart away.
days spent overseas - 54
countries visited - 7
friends (unique) overseas with - 24
wedding invites received - 10
cameras in possession - 6
friends on facebook - 378
friends on facebook whom i've met for at least 5 min - 132
photos taken (excluding film, small cameras and deleted photos) - 5916
i feel alone in the world tonight. like a speck of dust, not with a current beneath me, or a feather, without the proverbial wind beneath the wings.
this is the sort of nights, where soulful melodies come to life. the sort of nights, you feel smaller than the chair beneath you. Where are the people around me? what if my life stands still for the next 50 years?
i dreamt of my auntie some nights ago. i was at an old block of flat, rushing out, late. I went past my auntie's unit. she called out to me to have some porridge. i was late, but i went in anyway, probably because i haven't had my auntie's porridge for the longest time.
this music is putting me to sleep.
