with faint disgust

it's almost tragic, how sometimes history has a way of putting us down.
.

and when you're down, that's when fading memories get a jolt.
.


so swiftly and coldly marks the knives of yesterdays.

the birds and the eggs

2.40am. instead of sleeping i'm here blogging about a colleague/friend's blog on which she wrote (a year ago):

During a phone conversation with the darling just now, he said something that goes like:

"Let's remember not to call our kid Nelson (because "鸟生蛋")

.

.

.

"And also not Nelbuson Tan (because "鸟不生蛋")

HAHAHA.

And i replied:

this comes a little late but anyway..

I had an acquaintance named Nelson Tan back in sec sch. but no one dared to laugh at him openly, because he also happens to be the biggest ah beng in our sch.

the only other ah beng (2/2) did ever punch him once though.

That was AHS circa 1997.
.

and since we're on birds, or i am, my neighbour for some unfathomable reason, keeps an ugly common mynah in a cage outside their flat.

one morning on my way to work and while waiting for the lift, i saw 3 other free mynahs - free as in both uncaged and free, no need to work - standing outside the cage, sometimes poking their beaks through the grills, chirping to the poor captive.

the scene tugged at something in me. is that love?

the morning after

the air is cool under the sapling's shade; beyond shadows the sun a burning rage.

It's not about the run

Today is a day when a bit of dark clouds said it all.

Perhaps i surprised myself by taking it just a bit too seriously, but then again, it's not something i can control with a flick of the switch.

It was a run that shouldn't be, and I could felt it hours before, though still I wanted it to happen. So anyway run I did, breaking off to run alone, and thanks for the resulting nipple abrasion.

In the end, everything matters enough to irk me and it shows on my usually emotionless face. not all, but enough to tell. left me somewhat impressed by your influence on me.

.

sometimes i think i'm bitter about life. looking happily optimistic is but a disguise or an escape, i can't tell. or that could be just the schizophrenic side of me. guess i'm terrific at hiding things.


.

today suck so much i feel sick now.

no need for words

the longevity of memories in a sparkler's lifetime.

when spirits soar
left behind is the patient humming
of loyal nights
,
and this the state of the human heart,
i can't say i am much surprised.

.

some came as wounds of the past
who left behind blood and a scab
the deeper ones carved faint tattoos
beneath the hardened crust

you though, are like a broken bone,
a torn tendon and a ligament
nine inches scar on tattered skin
a lifetime of broken symphony

an utterance, an utter mess

i may return to write a second line..

a life of decadence
of ageless nights and sudden dawns

no words would come that make sense of us
despite shuffling feet and silent cries
quick goodbyes,
save a storm.

he would, but he died.

lovely hugs

wipe tears off your back.

Square Hats

25th July 2008 - Convoked

Thanks to the parents, the sister and all the friends who turned up, and those who more than just turned up.

I'm down with sinus problem today after setting up brilliant fires for the bbq at the class chalet over the weekend. along with it came another few hundred photographs from our cam-whoring sessions, which i wonder when i'll ever get to clear.

thousand of photos are currently sitting pretty in my laptop.. friends have since gave up baying for my blood and pics. i think i ought to apply for compassionate leave to settle them once and for all.

suck it in and out

do you sometimes feel like you're just a time-filler? or treated somebody like one?

*enters taylor hicks down the aisle, on the harmonica, playing the blues*

serenade me

hello hello? tic tac toh

Spasmodic Dysphonia.
This could be what I have. My low rumbling mutter, moulded out of necessity to disguise from it. will pay a visit to the specialist one of these days. Call them mumbles, call them rumbles, I have careless whispers if you would listen.

10 km Nike human race on 31st Aug, 21 km army half marathon the week after, the organisers are a bunch of asses. I've been wanting to do a proper 21km for ages but my troublesome left knee ligament is a wuss. maybe it will snap into two if i push it again. but what the hell. creaking left shoulder from the inability to sleep on the right, on the side away from memories and a murky wall, bumps and bruises from the friendly chaps at sunday soccer.. and that's enough for now.
.

the moment was lying on the ground, waiting to be stepped on.
tell me johndoe, what the fuck have you been doing?
.

and we made it down for diana's convo after a day of very long walks.





yet a year ago i missed the most important of them all. AY 2006-07 was the academic year filled with a lifetime of mistakes.

lesser than it is

sometimes i think my photos are utterly lifeless.

.

who's that from fremont, california? hello hello?
pam? drop me a msg yeah.

no matter

rustic villages in cambodia, the ethereal angkor wat, splendid sparkling milky way, standing above a ball of rising cloud, dipping into waterfalls, being halted by a koala bear in the middle of a mountain road in the middle of the night, flying amongst coral gardens with giant green turtles, slurping roasted goose noodles along an empty wintry road, flailing my arms upon breathless canvas of mountain top views, .. or the image of you.

The moment, that moment, is the only, and we can never go back, no matter whim or will.

flutters

It will rain,
The sky black as night.
Tug, tug.
Must I coldly cut my kite?

I got it..

long ago, when you boarded the train without me.


but if you see an old man like him, many years down the road, that could still be me.

silent, behind the yellow line.

This is not an aquarium

don't

it's more merciful to swim with fishes in the ocean, than to see them struggle for life while lynched by your hook.

words for thought

"... and addiction in the end is a surer bond than love."

Coetzee, Dusklands.

which got me thinking.

.

Sundays are becoming / have been a part of the week sucked into an anonymous void. apart from the morning kickabout which i performed with great clarity and awareness, the rest of the day have regularly been stolen by the crushing humidity of sundays, aptly named i now realised, upon which i often meekly surrender while lying prostrate on the bed, not daring to provoke the heat that feeds on me, or by my own seeming inability to do anything even as I watch the hands of my clock make a mad dash across the yellowed face.

I have much photos to return to.

sparkles in my eyes

i would have brought you up here, on top of the world, to make you fall in love with me once more,


and watch the colours changing hues, our sky a china blue.

wistful achings

i'm back, and the world around me did not change.

so why think, or wait?

I'm off again

Running off to the much awaited Kota Kinabalu trip.
Up the tallest peak in Southeast Asia, then diving into the bottoms of the Tungku Abdul Rahman Marine Park.. Gimme some good weather.

you may start missing me.

sundown