I got it..

long ago, when you boarded the train without me.


but if you see an old man like him, many years down the road, that could still be me.

silent, behind the yellow line.

This is not an aquarium

don't

it's more merciful to swim with fishes in the ocean, than to see them struggle for life while lynched by your hook.

words for thought

"... and addiction in the end is a surer bond than love."

Coetzee, Dusklands.

which got me thinking.

.

Sundays are becoming / have been a part of the week sucked into an anonymous void. apart from the morning kickabout which i performed with great clarity and awareness, the rest of the day have regularly been stolen by the crushing humidity of sundays, aptly named i now realised, upon which i often meekly surrender while lying prostrate on the bed, not daring to provoke the heat that feeds on me, or by my own seeming inability to do anything even as I watch the hands of my clock make a mad dash across the yellowed face.

I have much photos to return to.

sparkles in my eyes

i would have brought you up here, on top of the world, to make you fall in love with me once more,


and watch the colours changing hues, our sky a china blue.

wistful achings

i'm back, and the world around me did not change.

so why think, or wait?

I'm off again

Running off to the much awaited Kota Kinabalu trip.
Up the tallest peak in Southeast Asia, then diving into the bottoms of the Tungku Abdul Rahman Marine Park.. Gimme some good weather.

you may start missing me.

sundown

all the wrong sizes,

i'm tired and i want to sleep.
that's the easiest thing to say but too often, the hardest thing to do.

will i one day deplete the night solace?

.

you. i wish you won't have to work so late.
three seasons passed and winter will soon knock on the door once more.
worryingly, you're still in my daily mind.

Lata Cemerong

i'm back. with a nasty ant bite on my big toe.

kick my ass

travel and diving plans and proposals for the last couple months have fallen through with alarming regularity, no thanks to the dreaded uncertainty of the taboo word, work.

diving at pulau dayang with my krabi fans. failed. backpacking through vietnam with xuemin, peiying and seb. failed. diving cum backpacking in the philippines with alda. failed. backpacking in taiwan with yq and ass, i can't rem if they asked me, but i shall assume so. failed anyway. kelong trip with the study gang. failed. diving at layang layang with weilong. failed. travel around india/taiwan with zhuomin/jo. still failed.

you know life kinda stinks when there's money that u can't spend and leave that you can't take. however beyond all these dispiriting flops arises some glee in the skies.

alda and i managed to sign up at the last minute for yet another waterfall trek with the good people of ODAC, this time to Lata Cemerong in Terengganu. a sudden call from her last wed night with an immediate response from me brimming with determination not to waste the rare long weekend over vesak day.

BUT it's only possible because the original vesak weekend plan to dive at redang/perhentien failed as you may have already guessed and we change it to a dive trip to Tioman over the following weekend. With the faithful dive gang of lingjun, xiangyi and alex minus weilong who's been diving way too much anyway.

AND there's still the long surviving trip up Mt Kinabalu in Sabah come June with dive gang minus lingjun and our breakaway plan to go dive down Sipadan or somewhere after that in order not to waste the air ticket. How can we not.. especially after splurging a bit on some dive gear. Just can't wait to get them wet.

why the sudden number of travelling, i've got no idea. though i'm immensely glad and thankful that i got invited by seemingly disparate friends to go see the world. dare i conclude that having me as company isn't that bad? .. or maybe they just need someone with a camera.

Have camera, fins, backpack and many ziplock bags. Add money, time, and life will nearly be complete.

today quietly crept into the 6th of May, 2008. in a sense, it's strange to see this day arrive. it's not any fancy occasion, just that it's been a while since whatever, and i do find the need to think back and journal down certain memories before everything gets left in this backwater.

after which, i'm gonna say something funnie and end it with a laugh.
tee hee

it remained a good idea till i remembered that i'm not exactly feeling well now. kinda nauseous and groggy from this sinus infection/dust allergy that i picked up while attempting to clear up my room which also resulted in a 2 days MC.

but time flows on nonetheless.

and further up that same river last year, i accidentally graduated from NTU after 3 years with a Bachelor of Engineering majoring in Computer Science with Honours, 2nd Class Lower. One of the first thing i decided was that I don't wanna do this computer shit any more. neither do i wanna work, so i bummed around for a great long while, for about half a year.

much of that period in 2007 was spent rolling about in mud which was formerly good fertile earth till i peed upon it myself and it wouldn't dry.

thankfully though, i have good friends who stood by me in times of need. some reminded me how to live

even as my body got more streamlined. while the rain was unforgiving in october. The merry men of PE3 in a farewell photoshoot. I became Alex's photographer/sales manager/publicist for a few of his gigs. we sold enough CDs to have dinner at a hawker centre. And Jermaine is beautiful.

countless hours were spent with yanqing and shirly mulling about. I miss school so much I went back to study with them sometimes.




then i took some commemorative photos of our film gang.





to be continued...

hee hee.

By the river, east of the world.

you know you've given it a good shot when mucus and sweat fights swipe for swipe to the the beat of your footsteps. i enjoyed looking at the shadows of my revolving legs as i glided unchallenged down the 3 lane road. fucking sexy i would think, sans the topless torso glimmering under voyeuring streetlights.

lovely lungs i've got. that's my hidden charm. hello ladies?

1 more month to another marathon. today i foraged to the outer realms of Punggol, slightly beyond sengkang east drive where the world ends, and back. took me only about 50 minutes. picked up two liters of soya bean milk on the way back.

i've got to pay my bills now. and sleep.

this is an attempt on a return to normalcy?

2929

29th of the 29th.

go have a ben & jerry strawberry cheesecake cone on me.
just for today.

cosy up with me

again you came to me as i dreamed away last night
i used to be in yours, i know. you said.
too shy to tell me the details.
i remember.
you don't think i do.
i didn't think i would.

we're both wrong.

for the past, for the abstract,
for the unspoken, for the unables.

is that why we dream?

won't forget.

just feel like putting up photos tonight.
HK in december was amiss, cold like lillies detached in sharp snips.


this is her first time. i waited long and hard.

i look different these days.
life isn't all that bad. just can't find the urge to write about it.

.

black as sea-battered rocks.


red like your daily peeps from far

.

make me cry
(guitar solo)

yellow ledbetter
all over my head
why not put me to sleep

you've lost my way

night brews a sudden storm
and misery loves a symphony

hmmm..

you are overworked, and not so bright?

i miss jellybeans.

this time

let me
freeze time
as i sit down
to write

without
the hissing
of wind
or you
by my side

let me
sit in
this snapshot
of life

black and white.

i have
faded;

much to write,
not time
on my side.
you are
cheerful and bright.

rumbles

you're the eczema of my heart