i feel like my world is shrinking.
seem to be sliding into another pit as my days snoozed away.

muted senses, i'm shutting down.
feel me numbed and dumbed.

Liberation

I'm still alive.

Off to Rainbow Falls, Kuantan.
I dreamt of a spectacular rainbow sometime this week, in 3D no less.

Memory Archive

From a piece of paper upon which I noted down, 9 months ago, the list of well-wishers from last year's birthday, not that i celebrated it or something. Thanks to all these people who remembered:

First wave - The Swift and Deadly:
Weiweiwei the Great
Tan the Loyal
C-cube from Upstairs
Baolin the Impish
Rachel the Black
Toh Family from Hougang
Jo the Milky Cow

Second Wave - PE3 Bookworm Club:
Kevin
Gabriel
Jackson
Ah Boon
Huiling
Weiquan
Jason

Third Wave - Disparate:
Ruping the Decade Long
Huda my Favourite Malay
Angeline the Doll
Kaifeng the Chapteh King
Dali who Shoots
Dylan - AMok Duke
Dehong who is Tall

Bird brained

Spotted today:
people from hall tried staging rescue effort for poor Pussy. She was brought out of the cage and amidst traumatized scratches, was given a dry bath of powder and whatever stuff, probably in an attempt to reduce the stench. Pussy was then put back into the cage. After they left, I then took a look at Pussy, and noticed the potent pieces of shit still lying at the corner of the cage.

No dis-respect to them, but don't they flush the toilet after they wipe shit off their own asses?

Man and beast

Neighbours and others in hall found stray kitten somewhere. kitten is brought back to be aclimatised into a fellow Hall 1 hostelite, in a cage along the corridor, my corridor, 1 meter away from my door. Kitten shall here-on be referred to as Pussy.

Pussy, as are all young animals, including human babies, is very cute. Pussy gets plenty of visitors in the first week, especially late at night. Pussy sometimes mew non-stop in the afternoon when no one is around.

Pussy should make frens with my roomie's 2 surviving hamsters, who don't discriminate, as I predict that Pussy's popularity and number of visitors will rise and drop exponentially like that of my many newphews and nieces, who were once adorable human babies.

this week, the number of visitors seemed to have dropped. all the previous visitors seemed stunned and amazed that Pussy, however cute and adorable at first, is capable of shitting and smelling like shit, due to Pussy being smeared in shit as the cage is too small and no one wants to take out and play a pussy who smells like shit.

In a year's time, when Pussy gets older and not cute, like how lovely human babies turn into brats, no one will give a damn about visiting Pussy at late nights nor remember how, once upon a time, she was picked up at a park and didn't smell like shit.

Ashamed

First day of the new semester and my final school year.

And I feel ashamed of myself.

This girl stood beside me at the bus-stop. When I first saw her, she had this funnie look on her face.. not a very happy one. Moments later, I saw her clutching at her waist. Catching her breath I thought. Then she leaned against the wall, closing her eyes. That was when I realised that she's actually in pain, like gastric or something.

I debated with myself whether to help her in whatever ways I can; at the very least, words of comfort can do wonders sometimes. The dilemma was shallowly settled by the arrival of my bus. I took another look at her before boarding. I am such a pathetic prick.

Along the short bus ride, I wonder if she's alrite and hope some other nicer being who are not pricks had helped her.

When it was time to alight, I found out that the bell wasn't where it's supposed to be. Looked around, then this other girl on the next seat pressed the bell instead, somewhere on my blind side. 3rd year student acting like a chao freshie.. After I got down, I turned back but she was still on the bus, and it dawned on me that she actually stopped the bus for me and I didn't even acknowledge it nor thank her.

A prick I am, twice over. I feel sad for myself.

Went back to my room and ate a peach.

 

it is the unpredictables in life that gives life to this world

- john doe. but i'll figure out the meaning later.

AdiZero Mana

I NEED a pair of this:



in green.

went to google for it, but the ALL the websites that mention it are either in jap or taiwanese.. what's wrong with singapore?

Love is

Love is two people seeking a common space and if they find it, love is forever
- christopher doyle

Recent Reads

Motherless Brooklyn - Jonathan Letham

A man working for a shady detective agency in Brooklyn turns detective himself, seeking to untwine a ruthless crime and exact revenge for his murdered mentor/employer/____ (someone who gives verbal insults, whatever he's called. abuser?).

That's the simplest and an utterly unconvincing introduction that one can start off with to throw off the unsuspecting book browser. But that's not how this book won over numerous critics and awards.

The plot runs around characters with character; sprouting jokes with baffling punchlines that perhaps reeks of shady New York. Lionel Essrog has Tourette's Syndrome, sparking off in him uncontrollable shouting tics and a tendency to count things, any thing. That prolly upped the excitement a little. Brings to mind whiffs of the Belgian film, The Alzheimer Case; another imperfect detective.

In fact I feel like I can identify with the Tourette's sufferer on a personal level, our minds or body somehow flawed. That's why I like the book so. And of course, the author, Jonathan Letham, is tops. Humour within brilliance, I like.

The title reads: Recent Reads. Plural. Another book to go. But I suck at writing book reviews so much I'll just write this in brief for my own good memories' sake.

The Plot Against America - Philip Roth

Alternative history. Didn't realise that till I was 3/4 throught the book whereby I thought Charles A Lindberg was american resident for real. And part autobiographical, though how alternate it is from his real life, I have no idea.

Jewish kid growing up in american jewish family in a town largely made up of jews. Hitler and nazis started jewish holocaust in germany and eastern europe. WWII starts. american jews started fearing for their lives after F. D. Roosevelt got ousted by pro-nazi Lindbergh during the elections. book documents their lives for the many years to come till it was all over.

From here i learnt about the often misunderstood and sometimes mysterious Jews. In the past when I wonder if being Jewish is a race or religion, I now know that it is a bit of both, with no clear distinction, depending on tradition and personal beliefs. And the holocuast, aviation history, fascism, socialism, democracy and so on. I feel smarter after reading this book.

I thought I'm done, but from here, I suddenly remembered about another book that I've read before this.

War Thrash - Ha Jin

Compelling read. Communism vs Socialism. China vs China. Korea vs Korea. America vs Russia. something like that. Insight to some colorful and bloody part of china's history. Mao Zedong. Deng Xiaoping. Chiang Kai-shek. Taiwan. socialism. communism. democracy. egalitarism. nationalism. cultural revolution. red booklet. lotsa shit that I never really understand previously and even now.

It was this book that lead me to picking up The Plot Against American when i chanced upon it on the shelf. And which also revived my memories of Hou Hsiao-Hsien's 1980 film, City of Sadness. Excellent film starring a very very young Tony Leung still with chubby face. Set during the period when China's nationalist troops under Chiang Kai-shek took over Taiwan, the Island of Freedom. hope i got that right. wrote a review for this before but never got around to finishing it. this will suffice.

And so you see, it's all linked. From Charles Lindbergh to Hitler to Mussolini to Mao Zedong to Che Guevera to Tony Leung.

What a small world.

the great conspiracy against john doe

Final Year Project sucks. CeMNet sucks. My project sucks. My supervisor's instructions sucks. My computer sucks. Microsoft sucks. visual studio .net sucks. Work sucks. And some other stuff sucks too.

Everything seems to be going wrong now. It's bad.

i need to write.

tough shit

I feel like i'm in a state where i'm about to turn into a fool again. or have i already been one.

feel like i've let down and hurt more people than i ever should.

i've also been hurt more than i think is my fair share. once is more than enough, surely?

maybe this is karma.

but no, for that would betray my agnostic beliefs.

so to put it in a different light, this is all just tough shit that happens.

life can be full of shit, if you dun do it right.

i know, for shit just happened to me today.

banged my head very loud and clearly against a big piece of glass that's even cleaner and clearer, beside the escalator.

it was a very very clear piece of glass. so transparent, you won't know it's there till you bang your head against it.

free stand-up comedy that's actually funnie.

i was actually woozie from the head-on collision, but i heard that it's funnie, coz my frens shouted and laughed with undisguised and unashamed joy without a fraction of guilt.

so did a million other Marina Square shoppers and diners who were there at their stage-side seats.

karma i tell you, agnostic or not. shit will happen to them too,

one day.

Middle of the night

Sometimes I feel the need to blog, but what about?

It's time in the middle of the night, when quietness encompasses, or noises from night dwellers that sound like part of the silence, not belonging to you. Or the creak of the swivelling fan, on its 9457th rotation since two days ago.

Out of the window where dark clouds loom in reddish horizons, you feel small and insignificant, a speck of the world. Who will remember you?

The life of the future flashes past. The end of the paper chase, the start of the rat race, assemble a family, then bade farewell to all and life.

Will there be someone to hold you at the window sill at 3am of a wednesday night when moonlight fails and stars don't shine to mask the shadows of this silent world?

Plaza Singapura.

I went to Plaza Singapure 3 times in the last 4 days. I don't work there. I caught 3 movies. With 3 different girls. I ate Hearty Italian 2 times. I carried a 16kg chair from carrefour to home. Via the train. To NE14 Hougang. I also met Alex. He told me, "Come behind, i'm waiting". I'm straight.

thank you

Sunday

I limp every Monday. But this morning, it rained.

6 min to world cup

Sentence Completion - borrowed from edna's blog.
i shall aim to finish it in 5 min time.

My ex is someone ... who survived cancer

Maybe I should ... stop this nonsense at once

I love ... soccer.

I don't understand ... maths.

I lose ... hair and leg hair every day

People say ... too much that means too little.

Love is ... something that you consume and which gives u a tummy upset sometimes.

Somewhere, someone ... is dying at this very moment.

"i will always love you" ... is not to be taken for real when said under the age of 23 and when under the influence of alcohol.

Forever ... ended yesterday

I never want ... to have another regret

I think the current US President ... has a lying face.

When I wake up in the morning ... I hit snooze.

My past ... has been a remarkable adventure of nothingness

I get annoyed ... by people who rush in when train doors open

Parties are for ... people who dun watch soccer on a saturday night

My dog is ... my future best friend

My cat ... no. i like dogs.

Kisses are the best ... when you know you'll be giving the same kisses 50 years down the road.

Tomorrow ... is wednesday

I really want ... to travel around the world

I have low tolerance for people ... who has bad breath and generally smells bad.


I exceed the time limit by 8 minutes. i'm no good at this.

Making Tea

Now, how on earth did I cut my finger while making tea?

And I survived diving.

Pulau Dayang Once More..

Off to diving.. hope i get a manta ray.

John Doe in Nicaragua

I've posted my Johe Doe in Nicaragua question in my blog before, though I strangely can't find it in the archives quite some time later. So anyway, I posted the similar question again in Yahoo Answer, and I wonder what kinda answers i'll get.

You tell me..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christians told me, you either go to heaven or to hell. They also say, if you don't believe in god, you dun go to heaven, even if u do a u-turn at pearly gates.

consider this scenario:

"John Doe is borned in Nicaragua. He lived and died there and all his life he led a simple farmer life and didn't commit much sins. He is a good man without religious beliefs. There are no religion in Nicaragua. No christians have ever been there, hence there's no way that he can believe in something or someone that he never ever know exist.

He died and this st peters at pearly gates said John Doe didn't believe in this god who owned heaven. Hence John Doe didn't go to heaven, so he prolly went to hell.

There are 5 million John Does in Nicaragua. All went to hell thereafter."

is that right?

A test of faith

Today is a sad day.

Today I made a withdrawal of $50 from the ATM. I then kept the card and walked off without taking the money.