My right chest hurts. For the last three days. No idea what's wrong.
And somehow it worsen over the night. Now it fuckin hurts whenever I do anything more than shallow breathing. Feeling tight inside. The next sneeze/yawn/sniff may just kill me.
Shall go see the doc tmr.
Should I not make it pass tonight, you know I love you.
I haven't felt sad for quite some time.
Today I went through my Locked Closet. It's an apt day, cold, grey and rainy. Couldn't remember for a second where the door is, but still I found it. I briefly glanced through photos of memories, and frowned somewhat at shots that I thought exist, but couldn't be found. Saw the silver box too, with the book of memories within, the gaiety of red a poor disguise of tears once laid.
I remember, how swift, the change of tides.
Subdued feelings, but not that sad.. not very at least.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel sad tonight.
It felt right, and for weeks I wondered if it's right and the season ripe. Thinking and feeling, feelin and thinkin, waiting for a chance to straighten my doubts. And right on the verge, the door slammed shut on me.
The sudden sadness, and then you know it. People sense tranquility before death. At that instance, it all appeared so clear all of a sudden. The one moment when you realise the answers to all your questions. She's the right one of course. Just that at that moment, I wish she's not.
How sad, that I know my feelings only when it's too late. Funnie, that she knows it before I do. It's supposed to be my feelings, damn it. Didn't know I'll feel sad till I really felt sad.
Most regretfully, when there's finally someone who fits, something screws up somewhere. The one girl who warms your heart flies away, the rest whom you know doesn't suit, stays around. I think i'm too nice, once again, yet I haven't even tried. It doesn't work out this way. I should stay a mean bastard.
What a chillingly sad x'mas card. Christmas have never been kind to me, that's why I've never like it much.
Another joke on me, thank you very much. The retarded 'ho ho ho'. I know what it means now. I'm the real cow.
I have a void in my heart that needs filling up,
and love on my hands that needs giving out.
I watch the minutes in time goes by,
yet did nothing to arrest my wasted life.
My swirling head of insipid muses,
I remember dreams from yesternights
3 minutes of surreality, without bearings on me.
I do feel like a fucking prick.
I have to stop going around, breaking girls' hearts.
Not very nice of me.
Another night when my mind feels dull and listless.
"Drifting, drifting.. I'm drifting away.."
This place is in need of new breath.
I did it. with Zijing.
it's over and we're both champions.
was a painful experience for a huge majority of the 7h 15min, but our determination was unwavered and unmatched.
Proud Finisher of 42.195 km.
To quote my friend who's almost as brilliant as me.
I asked "when's the best period of you life?"
Angie, 7yrs old: "when I was 2yrs old; I have no worries and everybody pampers me~"
Tom, 28yrs old: "22yrs old when I was in university; I had so much freedom and studying is definitely better than working!"
Chris, 61yrs old: "55yrs old when I just retired and it's finally time to enjoy life with my beloved."
Mary, 50yrs old: " 48yrs old when my youngest son graduated from university and all my children are finally successful adults."
Jimmy, 12yrs old: "when I grow up! adults can do many things which a kid cannot do! I want to grow up faster!"
treasure every moment of your life.
It has been a pretty touching few days since Sunday.. Touched and delightfully surprised.
It could be due to the fact that I am getting older and more charming. Or perhaps I'm just charming. *cough*
Just received my very first present for this year, together with a wonderful piece of cheesecake and a card from Weiweiweiweiwei. mmm... no wonder I had to undergo all the probings from her last night. Scheming girl... but oh so sweet.. haha
Really ought to write more, but this sudden wintry weather since last night do slow the brain down and halves the conscious time you have.
Snooze me.
Sigh,
Grey Skies
Drowsy noons
and Vanishing nights
See,
Rainbow
In the grey
Eagles in flight
Jeremy is AMok King
Dylan is AMok Duke
Yijie is AMok Jester
Yongli is AMok Prince
Alex is AMok Kia
We were known as AMok Party.
And we still are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I messaged dylan on a whim, and he sent me a link for an online game, LoGD, an imitation of the classic Legend of the Red Dragon - LoRD, that we used to play on BBS years ago (1994 ~ 1996 ?)... That's the Bulletin Board System.. a country wide network similar in structure and concept to today's Internet. We were pretty advanced kids those days.
Childhood stuff that stays on with you. It still flows in our veins.
== AMok Party Rulez ==
I shall start tracking the list of films that i've ever watched... and maybe give them a star should i feel like it.
one day....
I am still Alive.
- donated blood quite some time ago
- watched hou hsiao hsien's city of sadness
- watched Cuban Rafters
- took part in Canon Photomarathon
- exams are coming
- exams are coming
- exams are coming
- i have to wake up
Today in film class, in a fit of excitement, the lecturer said " ..blahblah.. guys fucked around...."
I'm a little sadder than i think i should have been, somehow. Which mean it's getting a little too deep and a little too unhealthy.
I sure would love to backpack thru euro with you.
so Cuban Rafters tomorrow. 1 pair of tickets, 1 pair of butts, need one more. who can i get? shd have just booked 1 ticket for my solitary butts, given the odds. i can even shoot some pool alone.
A run will clear up the gloomy weather in me, once the gloomy weather outside runs off.
didn't read her blog for a while, and just now i suddenly panicked for a sec. now that i did, i'm glad she's fine.. still cheery and complaining and fighting at least.
i'm relieved..
i wonder when i can or will actually go down and see her..
how the importance of schoolshit pales in comparison when we take things into perspective. stressed over schoolwork? my ass.
get well soon, my dear fren..
