while you were gone

the day which started badly ended in the worst possible way.

mum had a breakdown at work.

.

the cow with a silent bell grazes afar,
while quiet shepherd waits.

i'm tired too.

while i ponder

i stubbed my right knee yesterday and later in the evening when i tried to lock it i nearly buckle over in pain. i hope it's minor. which isn't the case for the wrists. something's still pretty wrong there after 3 weeks.

.

 

someone else asked again if i ever get angry, or how i'll look when i'm angry, something to that effect.

fact is, of course i do, if you matter enough to me, just that the number of 'yous' remain far and few.

and whether the person in question sees it is another thing.

.

 

everyday i wonder if the tomorrows will still be there when we wake up.

sentences.

it's been feeling like a lousy week, a tree without rustling nor fallen leaves; strangely detached.

.

[Rec] was fuckin scary. i pretended to check my phone at the scary scenes. or maybe i wasn't pretending.

Only after the movie did it dawn on me that despite the 50% off, i've still managed to spend a bomb. that was fuckin scary too.

.
i can't tell you how tired i am.

27th Oct is for Titi Camara

Firstly, do not laugh or make lewd jokes about his first name.

This is for Titi Camara, a Liverpool player who i fondly remember, short-lived his Red career was. He's the kind of player we fans cry out for, who put a smile on the face of football.

I came across this writeup of him and that probably summed up the story and what most of us Liverpudlians felt
http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/blog/?p=118

and in another youtube clip that i've just watched, he's also the crazy footballer who wore two jerseys together in a game just so that he can pull one off and throw it to the fans after scoring and still have one left for the remaining of the game.

Titi we love you!!!

27th Oct also happens to be the sister's birthday, but that's not nearly as important.

Scraplife

A weekend

Friday. The Vagina Monologues with Zhuominish Darling. I won't do that V for peace-out sign again when having my photos taken, because V is for cheebye is for cootchie-hootch is for pukimat is for you know what. Monologues was pretty good and enlightening and sexy and even gory. Friday. Couldn't find real food around bugis. Pigged out heavily at 85 market instead. Saturday. hassled into meeting financial planner. Saturday. Donated blood again at the mobile blood drive. I wish more people will donate blood. Saturday. Diarrhea. At the end of my blood donation. Blood got distracted and slowed to a trickle while the shit was fast coming. it was agonising. Saturday. bought dinner for zm who was down with the shits too. Sunday. Soccer. Loss of blood and lots of shit couldn't keep soccer away. Not from me. Sunday. Attempted a trick with the ball. Supposed to skillfully giap the bouncing ball between my legs and do a samba dance. Managed to end up with ball under feet and fell backwards. Sprained right wrist. Sunday. Loss of blood and lots of shit and a sprained wrist couldn't keep soccer away. Not from me. Continued playing. Sunday. Headed for the Arts Singapore Exhibition. Interesting stuff. Wish I had taken arts classes more seriously when I was younger. Monday. MC for the wrist. I is Singapore's last action hero, after the venerable VR Man.

guess something

the brightest stars in your eyes
couldn't show the darkest skies in mine,
nor the fool behind.

what am i?

yellowed rambles

many many time ago, I actually attended the National Day Preview at the invitation of Peiyi.

graduation monkeying
and two trees

the word is lousy

it has a been a lousy day,
in its own lousy way.
run away soon.

oh yay, i feel like crap.

you were stolen by the night, by a stranger by my side.
i saw you by and by, seeping through holes in the sky
in the evening i await, for a morning i refuse to wake.
dawn signals the demise of our make-believe lullaby,
for reasons, that you alone decide.

Night of 21/22 Sept

is strange.

i even felt at peace, for once in the longest while.

i'll go sleep over it now.

what's new

A year ago at this time, i wrote the saddest entries in my blog. A year on, today, apparently nothing much has change. i'm just better at reining myself in.

Girls are rubbishy and can never be trusted.

if heaven and hell decide, for the 157th time, that they both are satisfied

Illuminate the no on the vacancy sign.

too many loose-ends lying around that need wrapping up.

Today I bought a sunflower. It may never ever see the sun again.
.it is a confused sunflower.

what is this strange rash like thing on my fingers and toes? it irks me. am i diseased
now i'm so incredibly tired.

if heaven and hell decide

today wasn't so good after all.

wake up

Were i being totally dense tonight?

somehow, something or someone bothers me a great deal.

i suspect that i fear the unknown.

and it seems like i'm world class at screwing things up.

with faint disgust

it's almost tragic, how sometimes history has a way of putting us down.
.

and when you're down, that's when fading memories get a jolt.
.


so swiftly and coldly marks the knives of yesterdays.

the birds and the eggs

2.40am. instead of sleeping i'm here blogging about a colleague/friend's blog on which she wrote (a year ago):

During a phone conversation with the darling just now, he said something that goes like:

"Let's remember not to call our kid Nelson (because "鸟生蛋")

.

.

.

"And also not Nelbuson Tan (because "鸟不生蛋")

HAHAHA.

And i replied:

this comes a little late but anyway..

I had an acquaintance named Nelson Tan back in sec sch. but no one dared to laugh at him openly, because he also happens to be the biggest ah beng in our sch.

the only other ah beng (2/2) did ever punch him once though.

That was AHS circa 1997.
.

and since we're on birds, or i am, my neighbour for some unfathomable reason, keeps an ugly common mynah in a cage outside their flat.

one morning on my way to work and while waiting for the lift, i saw 3 other free mynahs - free as in both uncaged and free, no need to work - standing outside the cage, sometimes poking their beaks through the grills, chirping to the poor captive.

the scene tugged at something in me. is that love?

the morning after

the air is cool under the sapling's shade; beyond shadows the sun a burning rage.

It's not about the run

Today is a day when a bit of dark clouds said it all.

Perhaps i surprised myself by taking it just a bit too seriously, but then again, it's not something i can control with a flick of the switch.

It was a run that shouldn't be, and I could felt it hours before, though still I wanted it to happen. So anyway run I did, breaking off to run alone, and thanks for the resulting nipple abrasion.

In the end, everything matters enough to irk me and it shows on my usually emotionless face. not all, but enough to tell. left me somewhat impressed by your influence on me.

.

sometimes i think i'm bitter about life. looking happily optimistic is but a disguise or an escape, i can't tell. or that could be just the schizophrenic side of me. guess i'm terrific at hiding things.


.

today suck so much i feel sick now.

no need for words

the longevity of memories in a sparkler's lifetime.

when spirits soar
left behind is the patient humming
of loyal nights
,
and this the state of the human heart,
i can't say i am much surprised.

.

some came as wounds of the past
who left behind blood and a scab
the deeper ones carved faint tattoos
beneath the hardened crust

you though, are like a broken bone,
a torn tendon and a ligament
nine inches scar on tattered skin
a lifetime of broken symphony