the word is lousy

it has a been a lousy day,
in its own lousy way.
run away soon.

oh yay, i feel like crap.

you were stolen by the night, by a stranger by my side.
i saw you by and by, seeping through holes in the sky
in the evening i await, for a morning i refuse to wake.
dawn signals the demise of our make-believe lullaby,
for reasons, that you alone decide.

Night of 21/22 Sept

is strange.

i even felt at peace, for once in the longest while.

i'll go sleep over it now.

what's new

A year ago at this time, i wrote the saddest entries in my blog. A year on, today, apparently nothing much has change. i'm just better at reining myself in.

Girls are rubbishy and can never be trusted.

if heaven and hell decide, for the 157th time, that they both are satisfied

Illuminate the no on the vacancy sign.

too many loose-ends lying around that need wrapping up.

Today I bought a sunflower. It may never ever see the sun again.
.it is a confused sunflower.

what is this strange rash like thing on my fingers and toes? it irks me. am i diseased
now i'm so incredibly tired.

if heaven and hell decide

today wasn't so good after all.

wake up

Were i being totally dense tonight?

somehow, something or someone bothers me a great deal.

i suspect that i fear the unknown.

and it seems like i'm world class at screwing things up.

with faint disgust

it's almost tragic, how sometimes history has a way of putting us down.
.

and when you're down, that's when fading memories get a jolt.
.


so swiftly and coldly marks the knives of yesterdays.

the birds and the eggs

2.40am. instead of sleeping i'm here blogging about a colleague/friend's blog on which she wrote (a year ago):

During a phone conversation with the darling just now, he said something that goes like:

"Let's remember not to call our kid Nelson (because "鸟生蛋")

.

.

.

"And also not Nelbuson Tan (because "鸟不生蛋")

HAHAHA.

And i replied:

this comes a little late but anyway..

I had an acquaintance named Nelson Tan back in sec sch. but no one dared to laugh at him openly, because he also happens to be the biggest ah beng in our sch.

the only other ah beng (2/2) did ever punch him once though.

That was AHS circa 1997.
.

and since we're on birds, or i am, my neighbour for some unfathomable reason, keeps an ugly common mynah in a cage outside their flat.

one morning on my way to work and while waiting for the lift, i saw 3 other free mynahs - free as in both uncaged and free, no need to work - standing outside the cage, sometimes poking their beaks through the grills, chirping to the poor captive.

the scene tugged at something in me. is that love?

the morning after

the air is cool under the sapling's shade; beyond shadows the sun a burning rage.

It's not about the run

Today is a day when a bit of dark clouds said it all.

Perhaps i surprised myself by taking it just a bit too seriously, but then again, it's not something i can control with a flick of the switch.

It was a run that shouldn't be, and I could felt it hours before, though still I wanted it to happen. So anyway run I did, breaking off to run alone, and thanks for the resulting nipple abrasion.

In the end, everything matters enough to irk me and it shows on my usually emotionless face. not all, but enough to tell. left me somewhat impressed by your influence on me.

.

sometimes i think i'm bitter about life. looking happily optimistic is but a disguise or an escape, i can't tell. or that could be just the schizophrenic side of me. guess i'm terrific at hiding things.


.

today suck so much i feel sick now.

no need for words

the longevity of memories in a sparkler's lifetime.

when spirits soar
left behind is the patient humming
of loyal nights
,
and this the state of the human heart,
i can't say i am much surprised.

.

some came as wounds of the past
who left behind blood and a scab
the deeper ones carved faint tattoos
beneath the hardened crust

you though, are like a broken bone,
a torn tendon and a ligament
nine inches scar on tattered skin
a lifetime of broken symphony

an utterance, an utter mess

i may return to write a second line..

a life of decadence
of ageless nights and sudden dawns

no words would come that make sense of us
despite shuffling feet and silent cries
quick goodbyes,
save a storm.

he would, but he died.

lovely hugs

wipe tears off your back.

Square Hats

25th July 2008 - Convoked

Thanks to the parents, the sister and all the friends who turned up, and those who more than just turned up.

I'm down with sinus problem today after setting up brilliant fires for the bbq at the class chalet over the weekend. along with it came another few hundred photographs from our cam-whoring sessions, which i wonder when i'll ever get to clear.

thousand of photos are currently sitting pretty in my laptop.. friends have since gave up baying for my blood and pics. i think i ought to apply for compassionate leave to settle them once and for all.

suck it in and out

do you sometimes feel like you're just a time-filler? or treated somebody like one?

*enters taylor hicks down the aisle, on the harmonica, playing the blues*

serenade me

hello hello? tic tac toh

Spasmodic Dysphonia.
This could be what I have. My low rumbling mutter, moulded out of necessity to disguise from it. will pay a visit to the specialist one of these days. Call them mumbles, call them rumbles, I have careless whispers if you would listen.

10 km Nike human race on 31st Aug, 21 km army half marathon the week after, the organisers are a bunch of asses. I've been wanting to do a proper 21km for ages but my troublesome left knee ligament is a wuss. maybe it will snap into two if i push it again. but what the hell. creaking left shoulder from the inability to sleep on the right, on the side away from memories and a murky wall, bumps and bruises from the friendly chaps at sunday soccer.. and that's enough for now.
.

the moment was lying on the ground, waiting to be stepped on.
tell me johndoe, what the fuck have you been doing?
.

and we made it down for diana's convo after a day of very long walks.





yet a year ago i missed the most important of them all. AY 2006-07 was the academic year filled with a lifetime of mistakes.

lesser than it is

sometimes i think my photos are utterly lifeless.

.

who's that from fremont, california? hello hello?
pam? drop me a msg yeah.

no matter

rustic villages in cambodia, the ethereal angkor wat, splendid sparkling milky way, standing above a ball of rising cloud, dipping into waterfalls, being halted by a koala bear in the middle of a mountain road in the middle of the night, flying amongst coral gardens with giant green turtles, slurping roasted goose noodles along an empty wintry road, flailing my arms upon breathless canvas of mountain top views, .. or the image of you.

The moment, that moment, is the only, and we can never go back, no matter whim or will.

flutters

It will rain,
The sky black as night.
Tug, tug.
Must I coldly cut my kite?

I got it..

long ago, when you boarded the train without me.


but if you see an old man like him, many years down the road, that could still be me.

silent, behind the yellow line.