It's not about the run

Today is a day when a bit of dark clouds said it all.

Perhaps i surprised myself by taking it just a bit too seriously, but then again, it's not something i can control with a flick of the switch.

It was a run that shouldn't be, and I could felt it hours before, though still I wanted it to happen. So anyway run I did, breaking off to run alone, and thanks for the resulting nipple abrasion.

In the end, everything matters enough to irk me and it shows on my usually emotionless face. not all, but enough to tell. left me somewhat impressed by your influence on me.

.

sometimes i think i'm bitter about life. looking happily optimistic is but a disguise or an escape, i can't tell. or that could be just the schizophrenic side of me. guess i'm terrific at hiding things.


.

today suck so much i feel sick now.

no need for words

the longevity of memories in a sparkler's lifetime.

when spirits soar
left behind is the patient humming
of loyal nights
,
and this the state of the human heart,
i can't say i am much surprised.

.

some came as wounds of the past
who left behind blood and a scab
the deeper ones carved faint tattoos
beneath the hardened crust

you though, are like a broken bone,
a torn tendon and a ligament
nine inches scar on tattered skin
a lifetime of broken symphony

an utterance, an utter mess

i may return to write a second line..

a life of decadence
of ageless nights and sudden dawns

no words would come that make sense of us
despite shuffling feet and silent cries
quick goodbyes,
save a storm.

he would, but he died.

lovely hugs

wipe tears off your back.

Square Hats

25th July 2008 - Convoked

Thanks to the parents, the sister and all the friends who turned up, and those who more than just turned up.

I'm down with sinus problem today after setting up brilliant fires for the bbq at the class chalet over the weekend. along with it came another few hundred photographs from our cam-whoring sessions, which i wonder when i'll ever get to clear.

thousand of photos are currently sitting pretty in my laptop.. friends have since gave up baying for my blood and pics. i think i ought to apply for compassionate leave to settle them once and for all.

suck it in and out

do you sometimes feel like you're just a time-filler? or treated somebody like one?

*enters taylor hicks down the aisle, on the harmonica, playing the blues*

serenade me

hello hello? tic tac toh

Spasmodic Dysphonia.
This could be what I have. My low rumbling mutter, moulded out of necessity to disguise from it. will pay a visit to the specialist one of these days. Call them mumbles, call them rumbles, I have careless whispers if you would listen.

10 km Nike human race on 31st Aug, 21 km army half marathon the week after, the organisers are a bunch of asses. I've been wanting to do a proper 21km for ages but my troublesome left knee ligament is a wuss. maybe it will snap into two if i push it again. but what the hell. creaking left shoulder from the inability to sleep on the right, on the side away from memories and a murky wall, bumps and bruises from the friendly chaps at sunday soccer.. and that's enough for now.
.

the moment was lying on the ground, waiting to be stepped on.
tell me johndoe, what the fuck have you been doing?
.

and we made it down for diana's convo after a day of very long walks.





yet a year ago i missed the most important of them all. AY 2006-07 was the academic year filled with a lifetime of mistakes.

lesser than it is

sometimes i think my photos are utterly lifeless.

.

who's that from fremont, california? hello hello?
pam? drop me a msg yeah.

no matter

rustic villages in cambodia, the ethereal angkor wat, splendid sparkling milky way, standing above a ball of rising cloud, dipping into waterfalls, being halted by a koala bear in the middle of a mountain road in the middle of the night, flying amongst coral gardens with giant green turtles, slurping roasted goose noodles along an empty wintry road, flailing my arms upon breathless canvas of mountain top views, .. or the image of you.

The moment, that moment, is the only, and we can never go back, no matter whim or will.

flutters

It will rain,
The sky black as night.
Tug, tug.
Must I coldly cut my kite?

I got it..

long ago, when you boarded the train without me.


but if you see an old man like him, many years down the road, that could still be me.

silent, behind the yellow line.

This is not an aquarium

don't

it's more merciful to swim with fishes in the ocean, than to see them struggle for life while lynched by your hook.

words for thought

"... and addiction in the end is a surer bond than love."

Coetzee, Dusklands.

which got me thinking.

.

Sundays are becoming / have been a part of the week sucked into an anonymous void. apart from the morning kickabout which i performed with great clarity and awareness, the rest of the day have regularly been stolen by the crushing humidity of sundays, aptly named i now realised, upon which i often meekly surrender while lying prostrate on the bed, not daring to provoke the heat that feeds on me, or by my own seeming inability to do anything even as I watch the hands of my clock make a mad dash across the yellowed face.

I have much photos to return to.

sparkles in my eyes

i would have brought you up here, on top of the world, to make you fall in love with me once more,


and watch the colours changing hues, our sky a china blue.

wistful achings

i'm back, and the world around me did not change.

so why think, or wait?

I'm off again

Running off to the much awaited Kota Kinabalu trip.
Up the tallest peak in Southeast Asia, then diving into the bottoms of the Tungku Abdul Rahman Marine Park.. Gimme some good weather.

you may start missing me.

sundown

all the wrong sizes,

i'm tired and i want to sleep.
that's the easiest thing to say but too often, the hardest thing to do.

will i one day deplete the night solace?

.

you. i wish you won't have to work so late.
three seasons passed and winter will soon knock on the door once more.
worryingly, you're still in my daily mind.

Lata Cemerong

i'm back. with a nasty ant bite on my big toe.

kick my ass

travel and diving plans and proposals for the last couple months have fallen through with alarming regularity, no thanks to the dreaded uncertainty of the taboo word, work.

diving at pulau dayang with my krabi fans. failed. backpacking through vietnam with xuemin, peiying and seb. failed. diving cum backpacking in the philippines with alda. failed. backpacking in taiwan with yq and ass, i can't rem if they asked me, but i shall assume so. failed anyway. kelong trip with the study gang. failed. diving at layang layang with weilong. failed. travel around india/taiwan with zhuomin/jo. still failed.

you know life kinda stinks when there's money that u can't spend and leave that you can't take. however beyond all these dispiriting flops arises some glee in the skies.

alda and i managed to sign up at the last minute for yet another waterfall trek with the good people of ODAC, this time to Lata Cemerong in Terengganu. a sudden call from her last wed night with an immediate response from me brimming with determination not to waste the rare long weekend over vesak day.

BUT it's only possible because the original vesak weekend plan to dive at redang/perhentien failed as you may have already guessed and we change it to a dive trip to Tioman over the following weekend. With the faithful dive gang of lingjun, xiangyi and alex minus weilong who's been diving way too much anyway.

AND there's still the long surviving trip up Mt Kinabalu in Sabah come June with dive gang minus lingjun and our breakaway plan to go dive down Sipadan or somewhere after that in order not to waste the air ticket. How can we not.. especially after splurging a bit on some dive gear. Just can't wait to get them wet.

why the sudden number of travelling, i've got no idea. though i'm immensely glad and thankful that i got invited by seemingly disparate friends to go see the world. dare i conclude that having me as company isn't that bad? .. or maybe they just need someone with a camera.

Have camera, fins, backpack and many ziplock bags. Add money, time, and life will nearly be complete.