Yesterday,
Run in the chill of the night
Feeling cold air brush my breast
Dancing past streetlights
I watch my shadows in flight
first foray since the dec 4th marathon,
It felt terribly good.
I like to run at night, amidst the cold and silence. Talk to your own breathing, feeling nothing but yourself.
Sunday, I cut my own hair again. Haven't done that for a while. I think it's good.
Third entry for tonight.. I'm so full of myself.
If we really want to live,
we'd better start at once to try;
If we don't, it doesn't matter,
but we'd better start to die.
- W.H. Auden
You see things, and ask: Why?
But I dream things that never were,
and ask: Why not?
- Bernard Shaw
This chap bernard.. he sounds like me. Copycat.
Any seasoned, self-respecting TCS artists should by now have another couple notches in their CV, that of charity fund raiser and circus extraordinaire. You aren't there yet till u've perform some circus tricks all in the name of charity, at least 3 times a year.
Seriously, aren't we sick of it yet? The first charity fund raiser was a novelty, the second, improved and the third perhaps still acceptable. And then we suddenly seem to have one such show every month, a frequency which to me, borders on the ridiculous.
I honestly dun see why I should donate money just because some artists are doing monkey business on egg shells and florescent tubes or playing tennis atop moving vehicles. so dumb.
And in view of the NKF saga, thank you durai for the golden tap, I'm glad I didn't call in to donate money. How much did President Nathan donated each time I wonder. He's a permanent fixture on such shows these days. And the amount of time and money the TV pple put in for each charity show, it probably explains the consistent, non-stop, crap-like quality of local drama series and various tv productions, sans PCK.
I once signed up for a vacation job where the nature of it wasn't revealed till the actual day itself. I later realised that it involves the selling of donation tickets in public area, where each naive seller would be under the control of a 'manager' who sits around while the charges go about hawker canters trying to sell the tickets. The manager do nothing yet gets a huge cut out of each seller's sale, ala MLM fashion. Out of every dollar donated, only 20cents goes to the charity. 20cents, that's what the company claims. Who knows? I walked off the job.
I don't donate money, not via phone, nor to the bored school children holding donation cans every week plaguing the bus interchanges. You never know what happens to the money.
Instead, I suggest to all, why not donate blood? You save lives with your blood.. try topping that. Instead of feeding your money to hidden leeches, you know that they can't really misuse your donation for personal gains. And what if, you're the one who needs a blood transfusion one day and your doc tells you, "Sorry, out of stock."
I striked blood donation off my list of Things To Do Before I Die about half a year ago, during a blood-raising drive in school.
1. It didn't take long. much less than an hour.
2. There were big needles.
3. But they didn't hurt at all, with some local anesthetic.
4. It really didn't hurt, except for a little prick on the finger during the blood test.
4. I didn't see anyone feeling weak or faint after that.
5. You get a free blood test.
7. Only 450ml of blood is drawn
8. That 450ml will be replaced by your body in 72 hours. So you effectively donated without losing anything.
9. Think about it.. you get new blood.
10. Women form only 30% of blood donors. Now you know who the big hearted ones are.
11. I walked out feeling proud of myself.
12. Going for my 2nd donation this month.
13. New entry on my list of Things To Do Before I Die. Donate blood every year.
d o n a t e b l o o d
weak day.
fainted in toilet last nite.
what an experience.
played inter-hall scrabble the whole day with headache n fever.
scrabbled twice. I rock.
I'm still alive. Yay.
My stubborn chest pain persist on one week after it started, though it has since been diagnosed as some muscle problem. I'm still yearning for that one satisfactory sneeze. Now each clearing of the nasal passage is suffixed with an agonizing cry coupled with that look of pain on the face, sound and effect hardly endearing me to whoever could be around.
Currently feeling sickish. The head last night engaged in a lazy spin once the endorphins from Liverpool's 1-0 victory over the Baggies had died down. Feverish now. What next?
Oh and the right eye's tearing too, a few drops more than usual. Most irritating.
Not the most auspicious start to the new year one would have liked.
My right chest hurts. For the last three days. No idea what's wrong.
And somehow it worsen over the night. Now it fuckin hurts whenever I do anything more than shallow breathing. Feeling tight inside. The next sneeze/yawn/sniff may just kill me.
Shall go see the doc tmr.
Should I not make it pass tonight, you know I love you.
I haven't felt sad for quite some time.
Today I went through my Locked Closet. It's an apt day, cold, grey and rainy. Couldn't remember for a second where the door is, but still I found it. I briefly glanced through photos of memories, and frowned somewhat at shots that I thought exist, but couldn't be found. Saw the silver box too, with the book of memories within, the gaiety of red a poor disguise of tears once laid.
I remember, how swift, the change of tides.
Subdued feelings, but not that sad.. not very at least.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel sad tonight.
It felt right, and for weeks I wondered if it's right and the season ripe. Thinking and feeling, feelin and thinkin, waiting for a chance to straighten my doubts. And right on the verge, the door slammed shut on me.
The sudden sadness, and then you know it. People sense tranquility before death. At that instance, it all appeared so clear all of a sudden. The one moment when you realise the answers to all your questions. She's the right one of course. Just that at that moment, I wish she's not.
How sad, that I know my feelings only when it's too late. Funnie, that she knows it before I do. It's supposed to be my feelings, damn it. Didn't know I'll feel sad till I really felt sad.
Most regretfully, when there's finally someone who fits, something screws up somewhere. The one girl who warms your heart flies away, the rest whom you know doesn't suit, stays around. I think i'm too nice, once again, yet I haven't even tried. It doesn't work out this way. I should stay a mean bastard.
What a chillingly sad x'mas card. Christmas have never been kind to me, that's why I've never like it much.
Another joke on me, thank you very much. The retarded 'ho ho ho'. I know what it means now. I'm the real cow.
I have a void in my heart that needs filling up,
and love on my hands that needs giving out.
I watch the minutes in time goes by,
yet did nothing to arrest my wasted life.
My swirling head of insipid muses,
I remember dreams from yesternights
3 minutes of surreality, without bearings on me.
I do feel like a fucking prick.
I have to stop going around, breaking girls' hearts.
Not very nice of me.
Another night when my mind feels dull and listless.
"Drifting, drifting.. I'm drifting away.."
This place is in need of new breath.
I did it. with Zijing.
it's over and we're both champions.
was a painful experience for a huge majority of the 7h 15min, but our determination was unwavered and unmatched.
Proud Finisher of 42.195 km.
To quote my friend who's almost as brilliant as me.
I asked "when's the best period of you life?"
Angie, 7yrs old: "when I was 2yrs old; I have no worries and everybody pampers me~"
Tom, 28yrs old: "22yrs old when I was in university; I had so much freedom and studying is definitely better than working!"
Chris, 61yrs old: "55yrs old when I just retired and it's finally time to enjoy life with my beloved."
Mary, 50yrs old: " 48yrs old when my youngest son graduated from university and all my children are finally successful adults."
Jimmy, 12yrs old: "when I grow up! adults can do many things which a kid cannot do! I want to grow up faster!"
treasure every moment of your life.
It has been a pretty touching few days since Sunday.. Touched and delightfully surprised.
It could be due to the fact that I am getting older and more charming. Or perhaps I'm just charming. *cough*
Just received my very first present for this year, together with a wonderful piece of cheesecake and a card from Weiweiweiweiwei. mmm... no wonder I had to undergo all the probings from her last night. Scheming girl... but oh so sweet.. haha
Really ought to write more, but this sudden wintry weather since last night do slow the brain down and halves the conscious time you have.
Snooze me.
Sigh,
Grey Skies
Drowsy noons
and Vanishing nights
See,
Rainbow
In the grey
Eagles in flight
Jeremy is AMok King
Dylan is AMok Duke
Yijie is AMok Jester
Yongli is AMok Prince
Alex is AMok Kia
We were known as AMok Party.
And we still are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I messaged dylan on a whim, and he sent me a link for an online game, LoGD, an imitation of the classic Legend of the Red Dragon - LoRD, that we used to play on BBS years ago (1994 ~ 1996 ?)... That's the Bulletin Board System.. a country wide network similar in structure and concept to today's Internet. We were pretty advanced kids those days.
Childhood stuff that stays on with you. It still flows in our veins.
== AMok Party Rulez ==
I shall start tracking the list of films that i've ever watched... and maybe give them a star should i feel like it.
one day....
