Alive

I am still Alive.

- donated blood quite some time ago
- watched hou hsiao hsien's city of sadness
- watched Cuban Rafters
- took part in Canon Photomarathon
- exams are coming
- exams are coming
- exams are coming
- i have to wake up

Words of Wisdom

Today in film class, in a fit of excitement, the lecturer said " ..blahblah.. guys fucked around...."

A Minute

Will you remember a minute of your life for somebody?

Cuban Rafters

I'm a little sadder than i think i should have been, somehow. Which mean it's getting a little too deep and a little too unhealthy.

I sure would love to backpack thru euro with you.

so Cuban Rafters tomorrow. 1 pair of tickets, 1 pair of butts, need one more. who can i get? shd have just booked 1 ticket for my solitary butts, given the odds. i can even shoot some pool alone.

A run will clear up the gloomy weather in me, once the gloomy weather outside runs off.

Paced

didn't read her blog for a while, and just now i suddenly panicked for a sec. now that i did, i'm glad she's fine.. still cheery and complaining and fighting at least.

i'm relieved..

i wonder when i can or will actually go down and see her..

how the importance of schoolshit pales in comparison when we take things into perspective. stressed over schoolwork? my ass.

get well soon, my dear fren..

A Bum

I have been very lazy today. I have been very lazy this week. In fact, I have been very lazy this entire semester. What if...

A thousand unseen forces are weighing down on me. Sometimes they make me breathless, sometimes they leave me exhausted. Sometimes I get sleepy. At times i feel relieved, but it only last till the next moment, when my mind awakens.

I went for a photo-seminar today, a talk by Straits Times photojournalist Ong Chin Kai. I borrowed a photography book from the library. After which I had lunch at 6pm. The smiling KFC idiot gave me a piece of drumstick instead of breast meat. That spoiled my day. I want to be a photojournalist. I also have a presentation on basic photography due on monday.

Things get uglier when you get too involved. Not knowing too much is a bliss sometimes.

The forces are making me sleepy again.

The Cleaner

Look to the sky and sigh out loud
Shield not my love, these wayward clouds
A brush, a palette in my hand
I try to wave them off.


50th Post. It really took some time.

[ mee pok man ]

I am hungry so i eat
there's no mee pok, oh damn it
I eat white rice, i'm Chinese
sometimes i have, spaghetti

Go to school, every morning
what's the point of, studying?
After one year you forget
what you learnt in Chemistry.

I took A.Maths, but dropped it
couldn't integrate, oh headache
I had B4 for English Lit
after i learn, write poem

Had a teacher, Evelyn Tan
She's quite lanky, and funnie
It's not too bad, my English
Maybe can be journalist

Jokers from The New Paper
I think they, cannot make it
Like reading, ToiletPaper
"(No pun intended)", my ass

I had eaten, so not hungry
mother cooked me, some porridge
She likes vege, i like meat
She says i'm a carnivore

S a n g u i n i t y

today is a strange day.

today, i've been talking to myself for the past couple hours. it's the after effect of soccer in the morning, the on-coming rush of endorphins during and after playing, like the consumation of love. it feels sanguine.

it's like the spiritual enlightenment and tranquility of religion. it's my religion. only happens after this passionate affair, feeling the flow of love running thru your veins.

i am at peace today.

when i'm at peace, i look at life in a different light. in the vivid colors that should have been, in the black n white tones that truth is.

I wish to feel like this every week.

Sleep, with thoughts of you apiece
For sweet dreams are made of these

mee pok man

mee pok at 2am

sinus prob at 4am

my right nostril is burning and i know not why.

alarm at 8.30am

can't sleep

sweet dreams are over.

A bowl for life.

submitted this for my computer graphics lab. i'm brilliant.

It's term break

it's term break.

omg.

2 months left till exams.

the fear of failing is a powerful force.

fear can propel one to do great things, like studying.

i am fearless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soccer wasn't too good on sunday. Got rammed in the face as usual. Point blank. Left me a bleeding cut below the eye and a new definition of shape to my beloved specs.

I'm going to break the bank and get the Canon PowerShot S2 IS with my life savings. It's gonna leave me penniless after that, but what good is an index finger without a shutter to press on? ... Not much i'm afraid, except for digging the nose with.

Goodbye My Lover

Another listless night where I sit around and doodle away the time, then pretend to be surprised at how late it is, how fast the day faded away.

Ate too much.


My canon powershot A70 died.

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.
You have been the one,
you have been the one for me.


What next? I miss the memories we took.
With my hands, thru your lovely brown eyes.

And I still hold your hand in mine,
In mine when I'm asleep..

[ Memoirs of a klutz ]

If you can look at love objectively and reason through it, then you're not in love.

3 weeks without playing soccer.. my life is on a steep decline.

On a slightly happier note, I finally bought myself a new bag. rummaged thru the entire far east plaza, yet failed to find That One.. settled for another out of desperation. Shall not waste my time searching for bags again.

Cost a fuckin fifty bucks... not so happy after all. Paid for it thru NETS, so that I won't be overly affected by the amount, till i observe the minute change of number in the monthly account statement.

Numbers fluctuate all the time anyway. My derived world of illusions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As seen on one of those motivational calenders on the sister's table.

ENTHUSIASM
Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it, nothing great was ever achieved.

... smart. That explains alot of things, if you think about it.

Explains how I can sleep for 2 hours and jump up at 7.30am to play soccer till noon, yet impossible to sit down and read my notes for an hour after sleeping for 9.

Enthusiasm.

The same kind of 9 hours as the 2 that gave me boundless energy to run about for 4 hours. fucking maths again.. everything's an inequality.

I should get one of those calenders.

My obscured skies

I feel different today.

Turned star-chaser on fri nite/sat morning with moobs at the airport.. Seeking the Perseids meteor shower but the blasted skies wouldn't clear with the clouds stubbornly thick.

Holed up at Terminal 2.. an old haunt full of memories, numbing coldness and familiar paths. Burger King at 2am. Sprawled over the open-air carpark till day broke.

Had a nice time nonetheless.

I feel different.

Maybe i'm getting a grip of myself.

Have decided to forsake the diving trip for my advance license during this coming September break, somewhat with a heavy heart. Hopefully there'll be time and money left to go for the december trip instead..

I feel solemn today.

Forsaking my religious Sunday Soccer tomorrow morning, in view of my escalating pile of shit from school. Is this me?

Where is the love?

and,

Where is the love?

Can't find it no more.. lost within those tumbles of baggages.

I feel gray tonight.

Into a daunting journey

Today is step 1 of a monumentous day.

Today, I signed up for the Standard Chartered Marathon '05, all 42km of it.

Another tick on my list of "Things To Do Before I Die".

My very first marathon... 4th December here i come, albeit on trembling legs.

The basic fucking maths

During yesterday's Algorithms lecture, the lecturer was talking on and on in a foreign language.

Then he mentioned something called limits and L'Hopital's Rule.. and continuous functions.. and differentiations... and integrations... then he said..

"You studied this right? The basic maths"

The basic maths..

The basic fucking maths.

No sir, i'm afraid not.
I passed my bloody maths but i had absolutely no idea what's going on.

[ ]

Today is a fucking sad day

The Law of John Doe

Some time ago, I was reflecting upon my life. Somewhere in the twenties.

The list of my plausible achievements accomplished can't fill one side of a post-it note folded in half.

By the law of averages, people reach their expiry dates in their 70s if nothing goes too terribly wrong.

By the law of elementary mathematics division, i figured that i've already spent 1/3 of my life, provided that nothing goes terribly wrong as well.

If John Doe has a pie and he gave 1/3 to Government, how much does he have left for himself?

By the law of elementary methematics subtraction, he has 2/3 left for himself.

Wrong.

Because out of the remainder, the large of the 2nd third of the pie will be spent slaving for money, while the last third of it will be focused on spending that miserable amount of money on upcoming medical bills, family expenses and throwing it down the drain for 1/3 of John Doe Junior's very own new slice of pie.

So how much of the pie does John Doe have left for himself?

By the law of tough-shit, all that are left are crumbs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the other hand, I've already had more than my lifetime's share of injuries. Fell again during soccer yesterday, that's twice in a week.

And both time on my left side. My old fractured wrist and dislocated elbow are hurting again.. something's not quite right from inside. And i'm going back for more tomorrow morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And i totally forgot about youjin's birthday. It's on 27th July... i think?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laid my hands on Tony Parson's The Family Way.. Brought a new perspective to how shitty life can be with a kid in the equation; the fallability of love after marriage.

Makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing with my life. Am i being foolish and waiting for the wrong purpose? Shall I just take whatever comes my way?

Laid my hands too, and again on God's Debris.. I feel clever when i have it with me.

Life is a smorgasbord of probability.