uncle

24th Feb 2008, sunday after soccer.

beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep. beep beepbeep.


uncle, my godfather since i was 28 days old, passed away. the only time i shed a tear at someone's death in my life. sad to see auntie crying for her beloved husband at the deathbed, but she was so strong again after that. i love them both.

f

i'm the living form of melancholy now, just like that, fuckingly.
put on my earphones and put on some music, they went in thru my head and couldn't find an exit. delete the spam and read some blogs, end up visiting at my own. heavy the tombstone, where are the eulogies, no, i read my pages of death sentences instead, in reverse chronological order, not that it matters.

so fuckin tired, the whole of the last 27 hours, just an arbitrary number, but somewhere near i'm sure. still i seemingly gain vitality in such melancholy. on and on, undying the music plays.

i want my eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. do you remember? i carried you while you slept, while you're supposed to be watching, while i rub your feet, it was cold.

delete you. i can't remember to forget.

and the discriminating lily. which bin was it in, do i dare wonder. fuck me. lilies. fuck me.

6pm

i slept again after i woke
you came again in my dreams
i spotted you from behind
in your flowery dress and shoes
i walked away to the mirror
you went pass me to the toilet
i hung around and waited
you certainly took a while
i was hoping for another glimpse
i was hoping you won't spot me
then my dream ended
we left without goodbye
still, i'm glad we met
just go and don't turn back.