[ Memoirs of a klutz ]

If you can look at love objectively and reason through it, then you're not in love.

3 weeks without playing soccer.. my life is on a steep decline.

On a slightly happier note, I finally bought myself a new bag. rummaged thru the entire far east plaza, yet failed to find That One.. settled for another out of desperation. Shall not waste my time searching for bags again.

Cost a fuckin fifty bucks... not so happy after all. Paid for it thru NETS, so that I won't be overly affected by the amount, till i observe the minute change of number in the monthly account statement.

Numbers fluctuate all the time anyway. My derived world of illusions.

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As seen on one of those motivational calenders on the sister's table.

ENTHUSIASM
Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it, nothing great was ever achieved.

... smart. That explains alot of things, if you think about it.

Explains how I can sleep for 2 hours and jump up at 7.30am to play soccer till noon, yet impossible to sit down and read my notes for an hour after sleeping for 9.

Enthusiasm.

The same kind of 9 hours as the 2 that gave me boundless energy to run about for 4 hours. fucking maths again.. everything's an inequality.

I should get one of those calenders.

My obscured skies

I feel different today.

Turned star-chaser on fri nite/sat morning with moobs at the airport.. Seeking the Perseids meteor shower but the blasted skies wouldn't clear with the clouds stubbornly thick.

Holed up at Terminal 2.. an old haunt full of memories, numbing coldness and familiar paths. Burger King at 2am. Sprawled over the open-air carpark till day broke.

Had a nice time nonetheless.

I feel different.

Maybe i'm getting a grip of myself.

Have decided to forsake the diving trip for my advance license during this coming September break, somewhat with a heavy heart. Hopefully there'll be time and money left to go for the december trip instead..

I feel solemn today.

Forsaking my religious Sunday Soccer tomorrow morning, in view of my escalating pile of shit from school. Is this me?

Where is the love?

and,

Where is the love?

Can't find it no more.. lost within those tumbles of baggages.

I feel gray tonight.

Into a daunting journey

Today is step 1 of a monumentous day.

Today, I signed up for the Standard Chartered Marathon '05, all 42km of it.

Another tick on my list of "Things To Do Before I Die".

My very first marathon... 4th December here i come, albeit on trembling legs.

The basic fucking maths

During yesterday's Algorithms lecture, the lecturer was talking on and on in a foreign language.

Then he mentioned something called limits and L'Hopital's Rule.. and continuous functions.. and differentiations... and integrations... then he said..

"You studied this right? The basic maths"

The basic maths..

The basic fucking maths.

No sir, i'm afraid not.
I passed my bloody maths but i had absolutely no idea what's going on.

[ ]

Today is a fucking sad day

The Law of John Doe

Some time ago, I was reflecting upon my life. Somewhere in the twenties.

The list of my plausible achievements accomplished can't fill one side of a post-it note folded in half.

By the law of averages, people reach their expiry dates in their 70s if nothing goes too terribly wrong.

By the law of elementary mathematics division, i figured that i've already spent 1/3 of my life, provided that nothing goes terribly wrong as well.

If John Doe has a pie and he gave 1/3 to Government, how much does he have left for himself?

By the law of elementary methematics subtraction, he has 2/3 left for himself.

Wrong.

Because out of the remainder, the large of the 2nd third of the pie will be spent slaving for money, while the last third of it will be focused on spending that miserable amount of money on upcoming medical bills, family expenses and throwing it down the drain for 1/3 of John Doe Junior's very own new slice of pie.

So how much of the pie does John Doe have left for himself?

By the law of tough-shit, all that are left are crumbs.

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On the other hand, I've already had more than my lifetime's share of injuries. Fell again during soccer yesterday, that's twice in a week.

And both time on my left side. My old fractured wrist and dislocated elbow are hurting again.. something's not quite right from inside. And i'm going back for more tomorrow morning.

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And i totally forgot about youjin's birthday. It's on 27th July... i think?

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Laid my hands on Tony Parson's The Family Way.. Brought a new perspective to how shitty life can be with a kid in the equation; the fallability of love after marriage.

Makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing with my life. Am i being foolish and waiting for the wrong purpose? Shall I just take whatever comes my way?

Laid my hands too, and again on God's Debris.. I feel clever when i have it with me.

Life is a smorgasbord of probability.